He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
