if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
