: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize