Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
