I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
