watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
