So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Randomize
