if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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