i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
