She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
