Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
