i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
