Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
