Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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