Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You have to summon your inner elephant
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
