last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
