I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
