i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
