Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize