it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
