Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
