Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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