I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
