4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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