i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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