do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
that's an acceptable place to lick
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
