who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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