Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
