I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
