I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
