Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
