FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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