I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
