she was so not down for the gang bang
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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