but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize