oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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