Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
