I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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