Sorry, I don't speak sober.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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