If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize