well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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