hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
