Sponge bath it is.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
