No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
