I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
