I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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