He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
