I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
