Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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