I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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