Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
my liver is dry heaving
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
