Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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