It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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