When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
