I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize