What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
