I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
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