My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
