Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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