i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
