Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
