Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
