One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
