I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
