I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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