You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
