I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
