My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
